All posts by amy

Life Changes and Happy Cat Month!!

Did you know that September is ‘happy cat’ month?  How fitting that it’s also my birthday month!  In the spirit of always making sure that my kitties as as happy and healthy as possible,  I wanted to start at the root of the issue – making sure that I’M happy as well.

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Earlier in the month, I made the decision to resign from Chase bank.  While I had always had high hopes of climbing the ranks, I just was no longer happy there.  With each passing day, my job satisfaction level decreased, and I just knew that it was time to get out.  Starting October 1st, I’ll be going back up to a full time position at Greece Animal Hospital.  Working at the vet is by far the most difficult job I’ve ever had; but it’s also the only one where when I leave at the end of the day I feel like I make a difference.  GAH has always been my home.

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Of course, this will lead me with lots more opportunity to pet-sit!  I already do it fairly frequently, but would occasionally turn down gigs because of my crazy schedule between both jobs.  Now I don’t have to worry about that – I’ll be back down to working 40 hour weeks, and on long days I can even bring those pets into work with me if need be!  I am also considering using my newly found free time to take some classes – I’ve been especially thinking about animal behavior and cooking.  I nearly set the microwave on fire at the bank today trying to make popcorn, so I figure it’s time to figure out what the heck to do in the kitchen.

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To keep my kitties entertained, I’ve been buying lots of different toys, treats and food for them.  I even signed up for Meowbox – so I get a box full of new toys and treats (and even kitty wine) for my fur babes every month.  Of course, in typical cat fashion, their favorite toy is the cheapest one —

 

My birthday is coming up next week – Wednesday to be exact. I’ll be turning 31.  It seems completely insane to me – I can’t believe that a DECADE ago I was counting down the days to celebrate my 21st birthday.  Time goes by so fast, it’s crazy.

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My parents added a new member to our family last week; a sweet little girl named Skai.  She was rescued from Puerto Rico, and is so timid and shy, but bonded immediately to my mom and dad especially.  She reminds me so much of Oreo in some ways – her looks, obviously, the way she walks, the way she acts with the cats. Yet in other ways they are SO different, and she reminds me of just how perfect Oreo was, and how lucky I was to have him.  I still miss him so much every day, and still always wonder how long it takes for the sheer pain of heartbreak to start to subside.

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Trying to get by, one day at a time…

It has almost been 2 whole months since the love of my life left me.  Each and every day, I struggle to make it through another day without him.  Some days are easier than others.  I try to keep as busy as I can.  Other days, I can barely get out of bed, and have to excuse myself at work to run to the bathroom when I can’t hold back the tears any longer.

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Something that has brought me some added joy to my life is a little ball of fur named Linus.  This little love came into my life when a girl I work with nursed him back from the brink of death.  I wasn’t planning on getting another cat, the idea of adopting him literally never occurred to me.   One day I jokingly said that I would take him…and within a week, that joke became a reality.  It sounds silly, but with all of his health issues…adopting him that quickly was one of the most impulsive things that I have ever done.  He makes me laugh every day.  He gives the sweetest little kisses.  Most importantly…he has changed the entire dynamic in my house.  Frenchie has someone to play with and cuddle with, and Burger can choose when he wants to join in, instead of having Frenchie continually try to play with him when he would rather not.

2Frenchie is probably the sweetest kitty I’ve ever had.  She is such a shy little girl, and the fact that she loves me and trusts me so much warms my heart so much.  I love seeing her personality grow every day, as she grows more into herself.  She is very slowly starting to learn that not everything is scary.  She doesn’t hide from my parents anymore when they come over, and she spent most of the night out with me when I had some friends over the other night.

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Burger is doing a lot better.  He still keeps to himself a lot since Oreo left us, but he’s starting to snuggle me again and isn’t hiding in the cat carrier every day anymore.  I tried switching him to a new food (Hills W/D), and aside from the first few days when his system was getting used to it; he has been doing REALLY good!  He’s only thrown up a handful of times (instead of every day like before), and just seems to be healthier and happier.  I’m hoping this kick of health sticks around for awhile.

Long story short, this shirt more or less describes my daily life.

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I still find myself talking to Oreo every night.  I wake up a lot of times and panic because he’s not next to me, before remembering that he’s gone.  How much more time has to go by before I remember what happened?  I just want to see those eyes of his. I want to step over him on my way to the bathroom in the middle of the night but he’s not there. I still step automatically thinking he will be. Where are you, Oreo? Why aren’t you here? My heart hurts so much. You were my heart. Without you what am I meant to do? Someone has to tell me.

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I love you. I miss you.

A letter to Oreo…

Hi Oreo <3

It’s been almost seven weeks now and I still can’t believe you’re not here.  Where are you?  Are you here and I just can’t see you?  I find myself hoping that you are.  That you’re here and you know how much I love and miss you because I do, so so much.

I stand staring at your picture that now hangs on the wall everyday. You were so handsome, you were the most amazing dog, ever.  Why did you have to go?  I don’t know if my heart is ever going to mend, it doesn’t feel like it.

I love you. I miss you.

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Having to say goodbye is the most unbearable pain…

June 7th was the worst day of my entire life.  It was the day that I had to say goodbye to my best friend.   Just typing those words has me sobbing.  I have been through so much in my life, but none of it has compared to this.  I have never hurt this much before.  Over a month later, it is still as raw  and painful as it was on day one.

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The night of the 6th, I was supposed to go to a WWE show.  I had been excited for it for awhile, but something just didn’t feel right.  Oreo had a seizure that Saturday, and I just had a bad feeling about leaving him alone.  So I stayed home with him instead…and I’m glad I did.  Oreo had 3 seizures that night.  The first was around 7:30pm…right as the show was supposed to start.  He snapped right out of it, just like he did for the other seizures he’d had.  He went right back to being his normal self.  We went to bed around midnight…and I woke up maybe 15 minutes later to him having another seizure.  I was so scared…he’d never had more than one seizure in a day.  I called my parents, and they came over to spend the night, just incase something were to happen.  I told Oreo that he couldn’t have another seizure…that if he had another one, I was going to have to let him go.  I already knew that his nasal tumor was invading his brain, but I didn’t expect it to progress so fast when it did.  2 hours later, Oreo had his third seizure that night.  After that seizure, it took him a few hours to fully come out of it.  I sent a message to my vet letting her know that I thought I had to say goodbye, and told her that I would come in over the lunch period.  I took Oreo for a walk around 11 – he was so happy, and went running down the street with my dad.  I immediately started doubting my decision.  I took him in around noon, and was hoping with every fiber of my being that his vet would tell me that it wasn’t his time, and that I’d be able to take my boy home with me.  That didn’t happen.  she agreed with my fear that his next seizure he might not come out of.  I had to make the most difficult, painful decision of my life…I had to let my little boy go. I held him through the whole thing.  I felt his heart beat it’s last beat.  I’ll never be able to get that memory out of my head.

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Burger has been mourning the loss of his best friend just as much as I have.  He’s gotten a lot sicker since Oreo’s been gone – his GI issues have become pretty constant now.  I’ve been chalking that up to stress and grief.  Burger loved Oreo so much – would follow him around the house, and would sit and wait for Oreo in the porch window when I’d take Oreo for a walk.  Every night before bed, Burger would groom Oreo, then curl up next to him in bed for the night.

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Burger had started to resent Frenchie since Oreo passed.  Frenchie has tried so hard to cheer us up – she is such a sweet little girl, and I am so thankful that I adopted her.  She laid with me every night as I cried myself to sleep.  Burger was mad at me – wouldn’t cuddle me, wouldn’t even be in the same room as me for a solid week.  He stayed in the corner of the porch, in his cat carrier, for the entire week.  Anyone who says that animals don’t grieve like people do must have never had a pet of their own.  When Burger would come out of hiding, Frenchie would get so excited and run over to sniff him – and he’d hiss and growl, bat at her, and just make it clear that he wanted nothing to do with her…that she wasn’t a replacement for Oreo.  I was worried that it would start affecting Frenchie’s behavior – she has always been a shy, scared kitty, and I didn’t want to see her start to become anti-social with other animals as well.  I adopted a sweet little kitten named Linus on the 5th of July to keep her company — more on him in a different post 🙂

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It’s been six weeks, six weeks of absolute hell. I still don’t know how I manage to get up every day and not see him.  Most of the time, I go to bed hoping to stop breathing in my sleep so that I can be with him again.  I miss him so much that it hurts.  I want to know where he is, if he’s happy, sad or if he’s angry at me for what I did.

I know he’s probably not, he was never angry.  He just looked at us with those big brown eyes of his, those eyes that held so much love. Did he know how much I love him?  How much I miss him?   I have an appointment Tuesday to get his portrait tattooed on me.  I’m going to have his ashes mixed into the ink…so that he can always be with me.

Wherever he is, I hope that he is safe, happy and that someone is looking after him until I come to get him back…because I will. One day I’ll get him back and I’ll be able to feel his fur in my hands and see him wag his tail again.

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I saw this at Walgreens not too long ago, when I was having a particularly bad day.  I have never seen my grandpa’s name on anything before (Lawrence), and for it to be next to one that says Angel… I am choosing to believe that is him telling me that he’s my guardian angel, watching over me.  I hope that means that he’s with Oreo.  Oreo would have loved him.

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I love you.  I miss you.
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