Anxiety and Nerves

Lately, it seems that my anxiety and nerves are getting the best of me.  With good reason, too.  One week ago today, I thought that I was going to lose Burger…and honestly, I still may.  He was so weak that he couldn’t even lift his head up.  His breathing was slow, his blood pressure was down to 48, his temperature was 96.  He was in kidney failure and declining rapidly.  I brought him into work fully expecting for my vet to agree that it was his time to cross over the Rainbow Bridge and join Oreo again.  My heart was beyond broken.    To my surprise, Burgers vet said that she wanted to give him one more chance.  She hooked him up to IV fluids, gave him injectable antibiotics, had him on a heating pad, and hoped for the best.  As the day progressed, so did he.  He went back for fluids Friday and Saturday, and by the end of the day Saturday, he was acting so much better.  Still wobbly, but more or less back to normal.  I rechecked bloodwork on him yesterday, and his levels are better than they were on Monday last week, but overall are still pretty shitty.  I’m giving him sub-q fluids once daily at home and liquid antibiotics, and hoping for the best.  I still have such a bad feeling about this, but I am trying to push that out of my mind as best as I can.  I have done anything and everything Burger has needed to keep him healthy, and as long as he is willing to keep fighting, I will keep fighting for him.

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Over the past 2 days, I have been in so much physical pain on top of the emotional stress that I’m dealing with.  Tuesday started out with my tailbone being incredibly sore – I was racking my brain trying to think of how I could have injured it, but I couldn’t come up with anything.  Midway through the day, I had what felt like a charley horse radiate through my middle and lower back.  The pain stuck with me for the remainder of the day.  Overnight, the pain spread around my left hip, and now my groin is incredibly painful and swollen as well.  It keeps slowly spreading all over my lower back/groin/pelvis area.  I have no idea whats going on, but I hurt so bad it’s making me nauseous.  I have a dr appt tomorrow at noon to try to figure out what is going on.  Doctor Google is telling me that it’s either an ovarian cyst or cervical cancer, so that’s something to look forward to.  F’n google.

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I do have some exciting news that I’ll go into at a different time… some pretty big changes are coming my way.   So at least I have that to look forward to!

Goodnight for now
<3

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