Time To Party — Oreo’s Birthday Party!

This post likely won’t be as upbeat as usual, since my mood has really been tanking as of late.  But I figured I’d start out on a high note – Oreo’s birthday party!

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This past Sunday I threw Oreo a birthday party – his very first one.  Up until he got sick, it wasn’t something that I had ever really thought about.  I’m so glad that I decided to do it – Oreo had a blast!  He was so happy to see so many of his people friends (especially since usually he only sees most of them when he’s at my work.  Boy does he love seeing them even more when it’s not in a vet-setting!!), and he even made a new girlfriend!  After his party, we went for a little walk, and then Oreo passed out for seriously the rest of the day/night!

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I tried to get Burger into the celebrating spirit as well, but he really wasn’t in the mood for a party.  However, his mood quickly changed when he started to realize that he was recognizing people’s voices!  His grandma and grandpa were there, and then he realized that his girlfriends from my work were there!!  He used to love snuggling with them back when he was my sick little boy, spending just about every day at the animal hospital with me.  He spent the second half of Oreo’s party downstairs being social.  Frenchie on the other hand…she only made an appearance when I brought her downstairs to say hi to everyone; and then immediately ran upstairs and hid, not to be seen again for hours.

This past week has been pretty exhausting.  My little old man has been in and out of my work and the emergency vet.  His name is Dium…named because when he first wandered into my house and we took him to the vet to e scanned and checked out, the vet wrote “DM” on his paperwork.  DM, of course, standing for Domesticated Male.  My dad, however, thought that the vet was naming him.  So he added a couple of vowels and went with it.  I’ve always called him Kitten Little.  He’s always been so tiny, despite his ferocious appetite.  He has always been my shyest boy; no matter how hard I worked with him, I have never been able to help him develop confidence.  I’ve always thought that it is, at least partly, due to the fact that he was declawed when we found him.  The only bold move he ever did was to race into my house during a snowstorm when my mom was going out to get the mail.  I knew where he lived, as he had found his way to my yard before; but when I took him back home this time, the house was abandoned with a “for sale” sign in the yard, and the window left open for the cats to come and go.

Last week, during the beginning of the snow storm, Kitten Little’s nose seemed to be extremely swollen and bloody.  My mind went to worst-case scenario – another nasal tumor.  My work was closing down early for the day due to the weather.  An appointment was scheduled for him for 2 days later.  I was at work at the bank that day and got a panicked email from my dad, that Kitten Little was barely breathing.  They were on their way to the vet with him, expecting him not to make it.  My vet quickly referred him to the emergency hospital with a laundry list of problems.  Again, we prepared for the worst.  I got an update from a friend at the emergency vet who sounded hopeful – saying that it looked like it may be just a really severe URI.  Which it was (…and still is).  In addition to his URI, he had lost a significant amount of weight – partially due to not eating for a few days prior to his hospitalization, and partly due to his newly diagnosed hyperthyroidism.  They also discovered a heart murmur – which hopefully is just because of his thyroid condition.  He spent 2 days/nights at emergency, and got to come home Saturday.  He then wound up spending Saturday at my work with me, because no sooner did my parents get him back home than did his nose start to bleed.  After looking at him, it appeared that he must have pawed at his face and ripped off one of the scabs on his nose.

Since then, he is slowly improving.  I brought him back into my job the other day because his nose was almost swollen shut, and he was pretty dehydrated.  By the time we got to my work, he sneezed out a HUGE chunk of mucus, and his nasal passages seemed to reopen.  We gave fluids, and he got to come home.  He is still extremely congested, and his nose is still pretty red, raw and swollen; but his appetite has come back with a vengeance.  We haven’t had to give him any of the appetite stimulants that we were sent home with.  He is due for a recheck next week, and if his URI is cleared up enough, we can hopefully get him started on some thyroid meds.  Which should be fun trying to get into him, seeing as how he bit his vet when she was trying to give him his antibiotic!  Literally the first time he has ever even TRIED to bite anyone, much less done it.  I was in shock.

Burger has been having diarrhea for the past week or so.  It’s not unusual for him, but normally it clears up within a few days.  This time, it started right before his mouth ulceration/UTI; cleared up for a short amount of time after that; and now is back…and AWFUL.  He normally gets baths every Sunday to keep him clean, but he’s been needing to get them once or twice DAILY recently.  He’s on a bland diet and getting a probiotic, so I hope that it starts to clear up soon.  This poor cat…can’t decide if he wants to be backed up with stool or have completely watery stool…he can’t just settle for something in the middle and have normal poos like everyone else.

One of the other family kitties, Cinder, has been acting a bit under the weather lately too.  He’s been licking his lips/the air a lot, his breath became TERRIBLE seemingly overnight, and he’s just been sleeping a lot.  I was finally able to look into his mouth the other day, and saw what looks like one of his teeth getting absorbed by the gum around it.  So, he has a vet appointment tomorrow, and I’m sure will need a dental cleaning/tooth extraction after that.  He is such a sweet boy, he responds to being called “Pretty Kitty” or “Key”, and will come running from where ever in the house he is when he hears his name.  He lived under our camper for 2 years, until right before Hurricane Sandy hit…the night of the storm, he decided suddenly that he would much rather live inside, and went right up to my dad, sat down, got pet, and then followed him inside!  Prior to that, the closest we had gotten to him was from several feet away – he wouldn’t run when we brought him out food, but that was it.  These days, he is truly my dads shadow.

Oreo had his new chemo treatment on the 8th.  For the first  3 or so days, he seemed to be responding pretty good to it – it didn’t seem to make him nauseous like his previous chemo did; but it just never completely eliminated the swelling of his nose/lymph nodes like that previous chemo did.  By the 1 week mark, his swelling was back to as big as it had been, if not bigger.  Yesterday, I woke up to my bed, myself, and Oreo covered in blood.  He must have had a bleed in the middle of the night – it didn’t seem to be a big one, but every time he sneezed he would spray blood everywhere.  That seems to have decreased to the equivalent of a runny, blood-tinged nose, which is still going on.  A few minutes ago, he sneezed so hard he smacked his head on the ground, and his nose started bleeding pretty heavily.  I was able to get that under control pretty quickly with ice and pressure, thankfully.  I just have this sinking feeling that another big bleed is in our future, and it scares me and devastates me at the same time.

With all of the health issues my pets have been having lately, my anxiety and depression have been completely through the roof.  Oreo’s issues are obviously affecting me the worst.  I had a small nervous breakdown last night when I was trying to go to bed… I was crying pretty hard and my nose stuffed up.  I blew one side, but then realized with the other side completely stuffed it must be how Oreo feels with his tumor blocking one nostril.  It was so uncomfortable and hard to catch a full breath…the thought of him feeling like that every day crushed me.  I totally lost it, and cried myself to sleep for the first time in a long time.  He seems to be a bit sleepier than usual – but I bumped up his gabapentin from 1 pill to 2 pills once daily (I can bump it up anywhere up to 2 pills 3x a day; but it hits him pretty hard, so I don’t want to get him on too high of a dose if I can avoid it); so I’m hoping the mild sedation is just a side effect of that.  Otherwise he still seems happy – he still wants to play and go for walks, he still gets excited and bounces around at the mention of going for a car ride.  I am getting so scared that his time is approaching.  I’m terrified of not being able to make that decision for him, or of waiting too long…and I’m even more scared of what I may do when I lose him.  He is my reason for living.  I love my kitties, but it’s nothing compared to him.  I honestly don’t think that I could love a human child as much as I love him.  He’s been there for me at the absolute lowest point of my life after my accident…I really think he is the only reason I walked away from that.  He has saved my life in more ways than one.  He is the reason I wake up every morning.  WIthout him, I would be lost.

Over the past 4 months or so, I’ve had this strong desire to just pick up and move away from my town.  I think it’s due to how strong my depression has gotten lately…I just want to pack up everything and start a new life somewhere else.  I will be in debt for probably the rest of my life from all of the vet bills I’ve had over the past 3 years.  I don’t feel like I really fit in anywhere anymore.  I feel like I have no one other than my parents, who aren’t very good with other people’s emotional problems, or very easy to even talk to about things like that.  I have so many people around me, but I’m not really close to anyone anymore, and most of the time, I just feel 100% isolated.  All I can think about now is just giving up and trying again somewhere else. The only things holding me back are: 1) my mom’s health issues, and 2) the thought that I might immediately regret moving away once I settle in.  I feel very lonely a majority of the time and I’ve been feeling that sticking around here really isn’t worth it anymore.  To top everything off, I’ve been having very bad back and neck pain over the past few days, causing what seems like a permanent headache.  It’s excruciating, and causes vision in one of my eyes to become blurry.  It started out with spasms in my back, at the area affected from being hit by the car.  The next day, it had spread into my neck, and was radiating into my head.  No amount of asprin or hot compresses have seemed to help it.  I don’t know what I did to trigger it; but it’s awful.

I guess that’s enough about that… I doubt anyone will really make it this far down without any pictures in the post to keep it lively, but I just needed to get everything out one way or another.  I’m sure keeping it all in was making it even worse; so maybe writing about it will at least help.  I just feel so lost lately and don’t know what to do anymore.  I just need a break.

Happy Birthday to Oreo <3

Happy birthday to my baby boy!!  Oreo celebrated his birthday this past Wednesday.  I just cant believe this little guy is ten!

Where did the time go!   Oreo had a great time opening presents and eating cake on his birthday, as did his kitty brother and sister who seemed to think it was their birthday too.

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I have his official birthday party scheduled in a few weeks; i’m hoping that a few of his best doggy friends and human friends will be able to make it!  I also hope that he’s able to have a good time without getting himself TOO excited and getting a nosebleed.

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Speaking of nosebleeds…last week, Oreo had his scariest one yet.  It went on for around an hour, and I couldn’t get it to stop for the life of me.  He was sneezing out huge blood clots, and you could see that he was starting to panic as well.  After about 20 minutes of unsuccessfully trying to stop the bleeding on my own, I had to bring him into work.  I was supposed to work at the bank, so I had to call in there for the first time, and i had my dad pick us up and drive us to the vet.  I tried to keep him calm for the ride, but he still got a lot of blood all over my dads car.  Luckily, he loves his “Grandson” and wasn’t mad at all.  My vet and coworkers were able to stop his bleed, and cleaned him up for me since he had blood everywhere.

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This Thursday we go back to his Oncologist to try his new chemo protocol.  I’m pretty nervous about it, if for no other reason than that I’m not sure how exactly it’s going to play out.  I know his doctor had said that he wouldn’t recommend sedation previously, but I don’t know how they’ll get him to stay still for several hours otherwise while he gets an IV chemo drip.  If I were there laying next to him he might be fine, but I’m sure that’s not allowed given the sort of drugs they’ll be dealing with.

We’ve hit the 1 year mark since we’ve been actively fighting this thing.  A year ago he had his nasal scope, which showed us his tumor for the first time, and nasal debulking, which scraped out as much of the tumor as possible.  I remember being so worried during the whole procedure, and feeling so helpless afterwards.  He was miserable, bleeding a ton from his nose, and so drugged up on meds that I couldn’t get him to even stand.  Fast forward a few days later when he got his Fentanyl patch removed, he bounced back to his normal, happy self within the hour!  You can take a trip down memory lane with all of that here –>  http://diaryofacrazypetmom.com/fuck-cancer/

Today Oreo and his kitties have had a lazy relaxing day, while I’ve been trying to get some stuff cleaned up and organized – I still have some boxes of things at my parents house that have to be moved over here; but since my space here is so small, I really have to go through and decide what I REALLY want to keep…and give everything else to Goodwill.  I’m about ready to take Oreo to get his weekly fries – I think this week we’ll try out Burger King fries.  Those are the fries that lured him into my car the day I found him, after all <3

Meet French Fry!

Soooo, one of the items on Oreo’s bucket list was to get him a brother or sister.  Enter, French Fry the cat!  Initially I was going to get him a doggy brother or sister, which I still plan to do…but at this time, I thought a kitty friend would be better.  Not only will Burger have a friend to hang out with while Oreo’s on his puppy play dates or at his doctor appointments, but Oreo won’t have to get to know a new sibling while he isn’t feeling well.  When he is hopefully responding better to his chemo, we will explore getting him a doggy friend 🙂

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French Fry was on PetFinders website.  I initially applied for her brother, but he had already been adopted at that point.  Her name was originally Twix, and I got the chance to meet her at an adoption event.  I completely fell in love.  Her foster mom said that she was a very shy cat and takes awhile to warm up to new people; but she immediately seemed to bond to me.  I spent probably an hour petting her head and getting little kitty kisses.  I wound up officially adopting her on Wednesday!  She is just over 4 months old, and is an absolute doll.  I elected to change her name to French Fry – aka Frenchie – after strongly considering the name Milkshake first!  I just loved the idea of having a Burger and Fries!

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Her first day home, Frenchie decided that Oreo makes a really good snuggle buddy.  She was a little afraid of him, and when he would let out a sneeze she would run away and hide.  But when he was sleeping, she would curl up behind him and cuddle him.  That first day, she also succeeded in terrifying Burger.  He would wander over to see who the newbie was, and she would growl and hiss at him.  Then HE would run away…even though he is easily three times her size.  Day 2 started out the same way, and I was a little bit nervous to leave them alone while I took Oreo to his chemo appointment.  When I got home, I walked in to Burger and Frenchie laying on the couch together, Frenchie grooming Burger’s ears.  I’ve been trying to get a picture of them together, but most of the time when they are together they’re playing so energetically that all I get is a super fuzzy picture.

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Thursday Oreo and I made the trip to Syracuse to meet with his Oncologist.  The trip didn’t go as well as I had hoped.  His doctor said that Oreo isn’t responding to his chemo treatments, and that we would have to switch him.  He didn’t get any treatments on Thursday, and won’t get any more chemo until the 9th.  He also got taken off of his anti-inflammatory, and is being switched to another one.  Since then, his nasal swelling has increased dramatically, and he has sneezed out blood several times.  I got home from work yesterday to blood all over the hallway – the walls, the floor, i even found some close to the ceiling.  The blood sprays EVERYWHERE because when he sneezes he shakes his head, making the entire area around him look like a murder scene.

So, Oreo was taken off of Previcox, and is going to be starting on Piroxicam as soon as we get it from the compounding pharmacy.   And he was taken off of cisplatin (his chemo), and will be getting an IV drip of gemcitabine chemotherapy when we go back on March 9th.  I am so scared that it won’t work, but hoping for the best.  I wanted to take Oreo for walks with the beautiful weather we’ve had over the past 2 days, but since he’s been off of his Previcox he’s been sneezing a lot more.  When he starts a sneezing fit, he’ll start to sneeze so violently that his head will smack off of the floor.  So, I’ve been keeping him mainly on my bed and on the couch so when he smacks his head it will at least be on something soft.

So, for now, Oreo gets to spend his time cuddling with his new sister.  Please keep your fingers crossed for him for the next few weeks, and for his body to respond to his next round of meds.

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To Do = Pee On EVERYTHING!

Yes, you read that right.   This week, Oreo had permission to pee on anything and everything he wanted.  I did not take as many pictures this week, for obvious reasons.

Oreo has always loved marking his territory, and apparently, if you ask him, he owns EVERYTHING.  Including a wonderful dog a few doors down who had the misfortune of playing with Oreo this week (sorry, Rudy!).  I’ve always tried to discourage his continual marking of everything, but this week I decided that since it’s something he apparently loves doing…I’ll let him go for it.  Lucky for me, the thought of peeing on anything inside of the house never occurred to him!

Notice the fallen “no trespassing” sign. Oreo peed on that, too.

This past week also marked Oreo’s second chemo treatment.  As always, he was a rockstar.  He was great for the long car ride there, and slept for most of the ride back home.  When we got there, he was super excited to greet everyone and make as many new doggy friends as he possibly could.  I swear, most of the time you would never guess how sick he is.  His Oncologist said that he was happy with his progress so far – previously, the tumor was growing and spreading SO rapidly, but he did not notice any major changes since his last visit.  Today is day 4 following chemo, and much like last time he has showed remarkable improvement!  The swelling in his neck lymph nodes is GONE.  It almost completely disappeared last time as well, but came back before his 3 week recheck.  Hopefully the swelling stays gone longer this time (or permanently!).

I got home from work today when the sun was still out (that seriously never happens these days), so I took Oreo out in the yard to play for a little bit.  He has a tennis ball in the yard that I’ve been trying for YEARS to teach him how to play with…he never seems to get it.  He’d always watch me throw it and then give me a dumbfounded look, as if to say “well…aren’t you going to go bring that back to me?”.  Today was a little bit different!   Sometimes when I threw the ball, he actually brought the ball back to me!  However…more often than not, he would pick it up and played with it by himself.  He’s not very good at catching things, so he’d run up to the ball and pounce on it, which would cause it to bounce away in a different direction, and he would chase after it again, repeating the cycle.  He actually did this for quite a few minutes before getting bored and telling me that it was way too cold and he wanted to go back inside.

I’ve been thinking A LOT recently about adding a new member to our family.  I would LOVE to get Oreo a doggy friend to play with – but with how little I’m home, I worry that it wouldn’t be fair to the new addition.  I work sooo many hours every week, and then would have to leave the new dog home alone (well…home with Burger) for just about a full day every 3 weeks while Oreo had his chemo treatment.  On the positive side, I KNOW that Oreo would benefit in so many ways from having a new doggy brother or sister.  I just don’t want to get one of I wouldn’t be able to give it the proper attention that it deserves.  So that got me thinking of maybe just getting another kitty for now.  Burger is VERY particular about what cats he gets along with (although he LOVES all dogs), so I would have to choose a new playmate very carefully.  But then Burger would never be home alone for hours at a time ever again while Oreo and I are at chemo, or at a doggy playdate, or fulfilling his Bucket List wishes.  I’m so torn right now!  I just know that there are soooo many animals out there who are in desperate need for a home…and my home definitely has the room for another family member.

Sunday Funday – Time For Ice Cream!

Today we crossed off yet another item from Oreo’s bucket list – eating REAL ice cream!  So, like any good Rochesterian, we headed to Abbotts!

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For those of you not familiar with Abbotts,  it’s a delicious family -owned ice cream shop.  They have dozens of flavor options and concoctions, and there just really isn’t anything quite as satisfying on a hot day.

check out their website! http://abbottscustard.com/

Unfortunately for us, today was far from warm.  It was a whopping 39* according to the car thermometer!  Oreo didn’t seem to mind, though.  He was just happy to be going for a ride, and even more happy to be getting a new treat!

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Time for a bit of honesty…I ate his cherry.  I didn’t feel too bad about it – he doesn’t like them anyway!

Boy oh boy, did he enjoy his ice cream!  I got him a kiddie sized plain vanilla sundae with lots of whipped cream.  He ate that thing in under 2 minutes (I timed it!) and without brain freeze – incredible!

This has been a pretty good week for Oreo.  No upset tummy, he’s been eating better, and I found that when I crush up his antibiotic and put it in baby food, he inhales it without even thinking.  His other meds he always takes without a problem, but the Clavamox was always what he would give me a hard time with; so learning that trick has made live so much easier.  He was having a good amount of light bloody discharge from his nose; but hasn’t even had that in the past 2 days.  Hopefully it’s an indication that his chemo is doing what it’s supposed to do.

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For those of you who have been reading this blog for awhile, you may remember my successful attempts at making Oreo his very own doggy ice cream (if you missed it, you can check it out at this link – http://diaryofacrazypetmom.com/127-2/ ).  Cold weather doesn’t exactly put me in the mood to make my own ice cream (or to do anything but lay in bed), but after seeing how happy he was with this frosty treat, I think I’ll be starting to make him his favorite ice cream treats again!

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Well, Hot Dog!

It’s Sunday Funday!  Which means that it’s time to cross another item off of Oreo’s bucket list!  Even if its 9pm and his mommy is STILL hungover from the night before :-\  Up today – try a REAL hot dog!

I have been making him pre-cooked hot dogs in the microwave for the past few weeks to hide his medication in, but even as a vegetarian I knew that it wasn’t the same as having a real grilled hot dog.  So, I took Oreo to the best place I could think of – Schallers!

Unfortunately for Oreo, he had to wait in the car while I went inside to get his food.  He didn’t seem to mind too much – it was somewhat busy, so he had a good time watching people go in and go out of the restaurant.

The plan was to let him eat in the car, but he was too easily distracted, so that didn’t happen.  So we went back home, and I set down his hot dog, expecting him to excitedly gobble it up.  Instead, he ran upstairs as fast as he could and ate all of the kitty food that Burger hadn’t finished earlier.

Finally, Oreo came back downstairs and started to check out his hot dog.  He wasn’t sure about it at first, taking small licks of the ketchup and mustard, and sniffing every inch of it.

5Despite his initial reluctance, once he actually gave the hot dog a chance, Oreo LOVED it.  Finished it in 3 bites!  I got the best video I could of the experience, but sadly the quality isn’t the best because I was trying to coax Oreo to eat for most of it.  But, you can check that out here:

He’s been having a hard time chewing lately; I think his teeth are bothering him due to the tumor affecting their roots.  I’m so happy that he was able to eat the hot dog as well as he did!  He is now passed out next to me, snuggling with one of the toys he picked out at the pet store last week.

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Bucket Lists and Chemo

So much has happened this past week.  It flew by, but at the same time it feels like a month has gone by since the last time I updated this.  The biggest thing – Oreo had his first chemo treatment this past Tuesday.  He handled the chemo pretty well – did great on the car ride there, made some doggy friends in the vet office (including another dog who made the trip there from Rochester), and got rewarded with a McDonalds cheeseburger on the way home.

I dropped him off at my parents house every day for the remainder of the week, just incase he had any side effects.  He lost his appetite almost immediately – I chalked it up to nausea, since he’d wait by the fridge for snacks, but then turn his head whenever he was presented with something.  I talked to his oncologist about it who agreed, and had him start on Pepcid.  Unfortunately, due to his newly picky appetite, Oreo also caught on to his pills being hid in his favorite hot dog treats.  That has made giving him pills way more difficult, and sometimes downright impossible.  On day 3, he started vomiting.  It wasn’t excessive, and lucky was limited to the 24 hour period of his 3rd day post-chemo.  Today he is a lot more like himself, aside from a small lack of appetite still.  At least he’s willingly walking over to his food bowl and eating little bits at a time.

In my opinion, Oreo has started to respond wonderfully to his chemo!  The swelling of his lymph node is down dramatically.  The tumor that spread to his mouth was rock hard, but is now softer and appears to be shrinking in size a bit.  It is bleeding off and on, especially after eating; but I’m hoping that’s due to pressure being relieved and the excess fluids in the tumor coming out.  I could be completely wrong on that, but I’m trying to stay optimistic.  His nose is still swollen, but the swelling on it increases and decreases dramatically just about daily, so its hard for me to use that as a gauge.

To celebrate his first successful treatment, we crossed another item off of his Bucket List!  We spent today checking out PetSmart.  I wanted to let Oreo pick out some of his own toys and treats!  He was way more interested in smelling everything, and had to be sure to greet each and every person and dog that he saw.

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So happy when he got out of the car and realized that we weren’t at a vet office!

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After getting over the initial excitement, Oreo insisted on walking up and down every single aisle.  He wanted to check everything out first before deciding what items he’d like to go home with!

 

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These look good, Mom!!  Lets go home with a few!

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OOH!!  These are on sale!  Lets grab a few of them as well!

This video is a few years old; but I just re-stumbled upon it on my YouTube channel, and wanted to share.  Oreo truly is the absolute best, most loving dog that I ever could have asked for <3

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Trip to Starbucks – Time for a Puppuccino!

Today we checked off another item on Oreo’s Bucket List – trying a Puppuccino!

I’m not sure the correct way to spell it, but regardless, Oreo LOVED his new treat – I think it may be his new favorite!  He was so excited to go for a car ride, which is really amazing to me since more often than not, car rides have been resulting in a vet visit for him.  He jumped right in the car, happily looking out the window and wagging his tail every time we saw a dog who was out for a walk.

From the second we pulled in the parking lot, Oreo was in his prime.  He saw several people walking in to the building, all who stopped to talk to him.  When I first found Oreo, he was TERRIFIED of anyone new, aside from children.  He quickly learned to like women, but his fear of men persisted.  Over the past year or so, he has seemingly gotten over that fear as well.  He was excitingly wagging his tail and trying to give kisses to everyone who stopped by the car to say hi to him.

I mean really…what self-respecting dog wouldn’t want one of these?!
For those who haven’t yet had the honor of trying one yet, a Puppuccino is a very small cup filled with whipped cream.
Yum!
It did take a bit of work for Oreo to get all of the whipped cream out of the cup…but he was up for the challenge!
Today was apparently Take Your Dog to Starbucks day!!  Oreo wasn’t the only little guy enjoying a Puppuccino on this beautiful New Year Day.
2017 is off to a good start for Oreo.  He has a lot of challenges ahead of him, though.  Oreo has his first Chemo treatment on Tuesday.  I’m a little bit worried about it – the chemo he’s getting has a 25% chance of causing kidney failure.  However, without chemo, he has a 100% chance of dying from this.  So I’ll take my chances with it, and just monitor him as close as I possibly can to catch any possible side effects the second they happen.  I will do anything and everything I can to help him beat this.  His chances aren’t the greatest – nasal tumors have a generally poor prognosis, especially after they’ve spread to the lymph nodes.  But I will not stop fighting for him, ever.  He has come back from everything thrown his way, and I am determined to give him every chance possible.
Lucky for Oreo, today we discovered a delicious treat to reward him after his chemo treatments <3

Bucket List

Update on Oreo, and the bucket list that I have created for him!

Oreo seems to be doing okay recently.  His nasal tumor is still visible, there is a pretty big mass on his gums, his two top canine teeth have turned gray, indicating that the tumor is affecting the roots of his teeth, and his lymph node is still extremely swollen.  That being said, his spirits are high, his appetite and energy are great, and the horrifying nosebleeds he was having seem to have stopped for the time being.

We met with an Oncologist in Syracuse recently, and will be starting Chemo on the 3rd.  The Oncologist said that if he responds to the chemo, we will know by the end of the 2nd treatment.  If he responds, we’re looking at maybe 6 months.  If he doesn’t respond…I won’t have much time with him at all.

That thought inspired me.  I had said after his radiation that I wanted to start a bucket list for him, but he did SO well that I convinced myself that his cancer was gone for good.  So I put it off.  But now, knowing that my time with him is limited, I have put together a bucket list including some of his favorite things; and some things that I think he’d enjoy.

Read the list below; and let me know in the comments what type of things you would add on to your pets bucket list!

  • meet Santa
  • get a Pupachino from Starbucks
  • pick out his own toys at pet store
  • get a REAL hot dog
  • eat an ice cream cone
  • pee on EVERYTHING!
  • adopt a doggy brother or sister
  • try ALL of the french fries
  • have a birthday party
  • have a family photo shoot
  • ride in a boat
  • stop being afraid of water!
  • try on dog clothes…and maybe find something he likes!
  • ride with head out of the window
  • play in a ball pit
  • eat pancakes for breakfast
  • go to NYC – and have a carriage ride through Central Park
  • raise money to find a cure for canine cancer – specifically nasal adenocarcinomas.
  • go to Sonic!  new people + food = Oreo’s heaven
  • stop and smell the roses.  both literally and figuratively speaking.  finding ways to make sure that he is as happy as possible for the rest of his life is my top priority.

We have already checked off one item from his list – last week, Oreo got to meet Santa!  He was so excited and so scared at the same time, and he REALLY wanted to eat Santa’s beard (but luckily he didn’t!  That for sure would have put him on Santa’s naughty list).  Oreo was sure to tell Santa his one wish – to get better and stick around with his mommy many many many more years.  Here’s to hoping for a Christmas Miracle.

broken

Not sharing this post on FB…this one is just for me.

Oreos cancer has spread to his lymph nodes.  his sort of cancer was supposed to be one that, while aggressive, didn’t tend to spread.  but his has.  the new tumor in his nose has his entire right side of his nose so swollen.  his mouth is starting to get swollen, and smells like pus.  and his lymph node in his neck is huge and rock hard.

we’re meeting with an oncologist tomorrow in syracuse, and i’m trying so hard to stay hopeful, but it’s so tough.  i don’t know if we can do cyberknife again on two different places, and if we can if it would even help.  if its in his lymph nodes, it’s probably all over his body.  nasal tumors don’t usually respond very well to chemo; although with my extensive digging online (something i keep reminding myself that i SHOULDN’T do, yet i can’t seem to help it), i’ve found a few studies that seem hopeful.  i will try absolutely anything…except for standard radiation, as all of the side effects i’ve read about seem like they would put oreo’s quality of life way lower than it ever should be.  i just want more time with him.  i’m not ready to say goodbye.  i’ll never be ready to say goodbye.

oreo was the reason that i walked away from my accident.  i know he is.  all i could think about was that i had to get home to let him outside.  after the hospital, my dad wanted to stop to get some food but i said no – we needed to get home, oreo hadn’t been outside.  when we got home, one of the lights in the living room was smoking – the whole room was filled with smoke.  if we didn’t get home right then to turn the lights off and take the bulb out, the entire house could have gone up in flames.  my parents are hoarders, it would have caught fire quick – we would have lost everything.  its because of oreo that i said i just needed to go home, and because of him that our house is in tact and our cats alive.

i’ve known for a long time that there was something wrong with me.  that i’d grow up alone and die alone.  i remember one mothers day at ponderosa just crying to myself.  i was maybe 8 or 9 years old…yet i knew back then that i’d never get married, never have a family.  i didn’t know why, i just knew that i’d never find anyone who would ever love me enough to want to marry me.  when i found ed, i thought that maybe i was wrong.  that i’d get the chance to be happy, just like everybody else.  ed was the worst mistake i have ever made in my life.  he destroyed me.  he destroyed every ounce of self esteem that i’d ever had, any ability to be happy, any ability to trust.  he caused me to build up walls that are still so high, i don’t know how to let anyone in.  i don’t know how to let new friends in, because so many of them betrayed me with him.  i don’t know how to trust in anyone because of that miserable period of my life.

i should get help for it.  i just don’t know how.  i saw a shrink a few times after i tried to kill myself.  she told me that i could try bringing ed to a session with me.  i did, and he charmed her so much that she began telling me that i needed to start trusting him, that he was clearly devoted to me, that he wasn’t cheating on me anymore.  but he was, the entire time.  i stopped going back to her after that session.

i’ve had so many pets over the years, so many who i loved with all of my heart and lost.  and i didn’t think i’d ever feel anything worse than losing my grandpa.  that was the first time i tried to kill myself.  i was 11.  i tried hanging myself from my bedroom curtain rod.

my grandpa was the most important and most influential person in my life.  he was the only person who i never felt anything but unconditional love from.  that was a feeling that i never felt again…until finding oreo.

oreo was the only reason that i would get out of bed after the accident.  i had to feed him, i had to take him outside, and i had to make sure that he stayed happy, even when i felt like i was falling apart.  who is going to keep me from falling apart if i lose him?  i don’t have anyone.

and of course, in typical amy fashion, during the time when i could probably use friends the most…i’m pushing everyone away instead.

he’s laying at my side, as always.  and i still can’t stop crying.  it’s been days, and right when i think i’m out of tears, i break down again.  i don’t want to know what it’s like without him laying next to me.  i don’t want to be alive if he’s not.  hes all i have

Life is never boring when there are animals involved.